the enigma of female friendships

this goes out to all my girls <3

Ever since I gained consciousness, I can vividly remember being surrounded by females. I was the youngest of five daughters, I grew up with my two grandmothers, and even our pet dog was a she. I never had close relationships with guys growing up, my dad being the only exception.

My first and only boyfriend was my high school classmate/best friend. It lasted for 7 years and ended in 2022. The night we broke up, I was with three of my girl friends having a spontaneous drinking and venting session. We ended the relationship through chat, I was reading our conversation aloud and when I looked up at my friends, they were crying before me. They were witnesses of the beginning and the end of that sappy, high school love story. I was grateful to have them that night when I needed them the most.

Dealing with the break-up was tough because I lived away from my hometown, I didn’t have any friends there, and I was basically a stranger in the city I lived in. I resorted to whatever distraction was available, otherwise I would just be this wallowing, ball of sadness. My girl friends supported me every step of the way because hey, I had to cope.

There’s platonic relationships, romantic relationships, and female friendships.

No matter how many failed talking stages, “situationships”, or even “delusionships” I’ve had ever since becoming single, the only thing that never left me were my girl friends. They never complained if I was talking about a different guy this week because the guy from last week ended up ghosting me. There’s the classic “which one is he?” confusion because another name has been added to the (long) list of men we’ve talked about.

Female friendships will help you come up with the perfect response to the guy you’re currently talking to (who will probably ghost you in a week). Female friendships will advice you what to wear to your first date with a guy who you’re “meeting at Starbucks to grab a coffee.” Female friendships will be your wingwoman at the bar when you spot a cute guy that’s your exact type. Female friendships will drive away the weird guys at the club who are too dancing a little too close for comfort. And female friendships will introduce you to someone in the hopes of the two of you hitting it off.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned this 2023 — female friendships love unlike any other.

I once read a quote that said “love is stored in the little things.” Maybe love isn’t characterized by grand gestures. Maybe there is love in the way a friend holds up a mirror in the middle of the dimly lit bar, keeping it still while waiting for you to touch up your lipstick. Maybe there is love in the “wanna go get coffee?” message that randomly pops up on your phone on a quiet Tuesday afternoon. Maybe there is love in the candid photo that a friend takes of you because the sunlight hits perfectly on your brown eyes.

Being single doesn’t suck as much when you have amazing people reminding you of your worth. Yet they will also support your failed attempts at finding love in the wrong places. There is something beautiful in the way female friendships operate. I can’t recall how many times I’ve expressed how grateful I am to have these women in my life. They will cry with you, celebrate your achievements, hype you up, and make you realize that they can treat you better than any man ever will. They do all that and more, no questions asked, simply, out of love.